I'm a big girl. That's for sure. Phisically, and statistically (you know...my age...bah). Since the day I was born, I knew I would be special (meaning: strange). In this case, I know I wasn't meant to be a mellow silly sissy girl. And that's true. I've been a strong girl for my self, sometimes for my friends, but most of the time for my little sister.

Now, my sister is also a big girl. She's gorgeous, unbelievably smart, and kind. Just last week, her eyes lit up by the news from a government department. She was called up to have a job interview in Jakarta. I knew she always wanted the job so badly. She worked really hard, she got sick but she stood up, got on train and had the test. She prayed and prayed. She kept telling me how proud she was being one of the eligible candidates. I was proud too. I was so sure that she was the one. She was gonna be hired.

But that was a hope. Her hope. My hope. Our hope.

The truth is: She doesn't get the job. The truth is: for them my sister is just not good enough.

I talked to her on the phone just an hour ago. I know she is crushed. I know she's devastated. So am I. So am I, little sister.

But I'm a big girl. I know people say big girls don't cry. But that's just what big stupid girls say. Big girls sometimes do cry. We sometimes too experience disappointments. I can't say anything to you now, 'cause if I say anything, guarantee I will weep harder than you :-D. Let's just enjoy this pain. It all will soon disappear, I promise. Because I know, as long as there is hope, there will be victory at last.

I'm sorry I can't be there to console you. I'm sorry I can't be there to cry all night long with you.

- big hug-
ARdi